The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Submitted by Bob Waldman

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, «Bow-wow!» The cat ran away. «What was that, Father?» asked Baby Mouse. «Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.»
Submitted by BH LEE

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him «What was the name of his other leg?»

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

The doctor to the patient: “You are very sick”
The patient to the doctor: “Can I get a second opinion?”
The doctor again: “Yes, you are very ugly too…”

I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.
Submitted by: Adriana Luchetti

A man goes to the doctor and says, «Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.»
The doctor asks, «What do you mean?»
The man says, «When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.»
The doctor says, «I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!»
Submitted by Sean McLoughlin

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini

Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!
Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico