Τα STARακια

της Ελευθερίας Κώστα

They told you to change, they told you you were short, they told you you were ugly, they told you you are unworthy of breathing and what did you do? You listened to them, for your entire life you believed every single word that came out of their mouths. And for what?! Just so they can feel better about themselves they made you feel like you didn’t deserve to breathe, they made you believe  you were worthless. You felt broken and devastated. You felt like you were trapped inside  room with no escape and it was slowly but surely filling with water. You were drowning. You were drowning alone. You were screaming but no one could hear you. And then you thought it couldn’t get worse but it did! Your head and lungs started to fill with water. Your mind felt like it was flaoting aimlessly. It felt like you were disconnected from the rest of the world. And again you thought it couldn’t hurt more, you didn’t know there was a whole new level of pain. It hurt you so much you started to have suicidal thoughts. You wanted to grab that blade that was long forgotten in one of the drawers and start cutting yourself because you knew it would make the pain go away for just a second. But that was all you needed. Only a second to breathe without pain. But only when you saw the sharp edge of the blade you realized how stupid this was. If that blade touched your skin then there was no turning back, there was no healing, only deep red liquid that liberates you but hurts you at the same time. You throw the blade as far away as possible hoping to never see it again. You return to your “normal” life, the pain never leaves you. You gave up on self harm, the only thing that could ease your pain. You hoped that you would be able to find a less harmful medicine for your pain. You prayed that the pain would stop. You wanted to find a shoulder to cry on, you wished for someone who would listen to your pain and worries. And like an angel from the sky he came! When you first came face to face with that person you thought that he was going to be like everyone else. But he wasn’t what you expected…he was different. He stayed by your side through thick and thin. When everyone else left he stayed without hesitation. He was your friend. “Friend”, that word felt so weird in your tongue. You haven’t used that word in such a long time. And there you were describing someone as your friend. But he wasn’t just your friend, he was your other half, he was someone who could understand you. You laughed at the dumbest jokes, put up with each others worst moods, went along with the craziest ideas and that’s what makes you the most amazing best friends. You were soulmates…