1. The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
2.
A man goes to the doctor and says, «Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.»
The doctor asks, «What do you mean?»
The man says, «When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.»
The doctor says, «I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!»
3.
Mother: «Did you enjoy your first day at school?»
Girl: «First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?»
4.
Teacher: «Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?»
Nick: «What do you think it is, Sir?»
Teacher: «I don’t think, I KNOW!»
Nick: «I don’t think I know either, Sir!»
5.
PUPIL: «Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?»
TEACHER:» Of course not.»
PUPIL: «Good, because I haven`t done my homework.»
6.
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
7.
A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.
8.
The doctor to the patient: “You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: “Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: “Yes, you are very ugly too…’
9.
Son: I am not able to go to school today.
Father: What happened?
Son: I am not feeling well
Father: Where, you are not feeling well?
Son: In school
10.
Teacher: Maria, please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
11.
The man: «God, how long is a million years?»
God: «To me, it’s about a minute.»
The man: «God, how much is a million dollars?»
God: «To me it’s a penny.»
The man: «God, may I have a penny?»
God: «Wait a minute.»
12.
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
Maria-Glikeria Gazeti
